For Nick and Sammy, especially Nick, facing life without Ruby felt like some awful, hideous nightmare. Unlike Nicole, who moved out when she was a teenager and was estranged from her and Nick's mother for a lot of years, Nick had always either lived with Ruby or just a short distance away.
When Nick lost his first wife, (very unfortunate Cow Plant incident), it was Ruby who came to the rescue and pulled Nick and Linnie through their darkest hour.
Nick just never contemplated life without his mom there.
And now that she wouldn't be there, he was having a tough time finding the strength to move on without her. And it brought back a lot of the pain and sorrow from when Linnie's mother died, (when Linnie was an infant). Of course Nick kept all thoughts of his past wife to himself, Sammy was struggling enough as it was in keeping the household together as he just couldn't seem to get a grip on things to help.
And Linnie was going through a similar tough time. She only wanted to be with her friends and seemed to be avoiding Nick, only talking to him for a few minutes when he would call her, always telling him she had to go for some lame reason. Nick thought she sounded drunk after one call he made to her. It just gave Sammy more to worry about.
But life DOES go on and they had an event about to happen that they couldn't walk away from - it was time for their youngest, Stuart, to kid up!
Nick refused to even think about having any kind of party and Sammy could understand that but she insisted they have a cake. Ruby would want that and Nick knew Sammy was right. Ruby was HUGE on celebrating the children's birthdays with a lot of frills but the cake was paramount.
On the day Stuart was going to go from toddler to kid, Nick's sorrow was at it's worst, he didn't even want to get out of bed. Sammy told him it didn't matter, he could stay in bed if he wanted but her and the kids were going to celebrate Stuart's birthday no matter what. The cake was ready and he could come join them if he wanted,..or lay there.
That was enough to get Nick moving.
He asked Sammy to wait long for him to get a (much needed), shower, get into some clean clothes and he'd be down for the celebration. And that's exactly what he did. Sammy was proud of him for putting his grief aside and doing the right thing. He even insisted on being the one to hold his son at the cake.
It was hard, very hard and the tears swelled up behind his eyes and the pit of his stomach ached but he did what he knew had to be done.
Holding his little son in his arms gave him a familiar, much needed warmth
and his heart felt a little joy make it inside.
He was even able to smile.
TA DA!
Kid Stuart!
Unfortunately Stuart's birthday had the shadow of Ruby's death hanging over it but they did what they could to mark his special day with some fun and happiness.
Sammy thought taking the kids to a movie and then out for pizza would be the best approach and she was right. Nick, nor the twins, were ready to be around a lot of people. They asked Linnie to join them but she declined, saying she already made plans to hang out with friends. It wasn't like Linnie to pass on outings with her siblings, especially for a birthday, but no one was doing anything like they did before.
Grief is a solitary passage and families don't walk side by side on the path following the loss of a dear one. As much as it seems like a family should be even more closely united, the opposite seems to take place as each family member walks their sorrowed road alone.
But Sammy and Nick were doing their best to keep it together as a family, especially for Stuart's birthday. The kids enjoyed the outing but by the time everyone got home they were exhausted. After the kids were in bed Nick announced right out of nowhere that first thing in the morning they would be taking Ruby's headstone to the cemetery.
Sammy was rather taken back by that.
She assumed there would be a big funeral and a house full of people for when they did that but Nick was stern in his plans. It would just be him, Sammy and the kids going to the cemetery. He wasn't even going to call Linnie or Dominic.
She began to question his decision but he put a hand up to her refusing to even discuss it.
Where he came up with a plan like that Sammy had no idea.
But Ruby was his mother and he was left in charge of all her affairs so she had to go along with what he wanted. She wondered though,..would it have been what Ruby wanted?
At first light, Nick was up and prompting Sammy and the kids to get up as well - he wanted to head out for the cemetery soon.
Sammy didn't care much for the Drill Sargent roll he was taking with them but she told the kids to hustle and get ready as soon as they could. After throwing on some clothes she went down to get some coffee and found Nick in the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand staring out the window. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to talk to him or not. But before she could decide he beat her to it, telling her he was sorry for being such a hard ass over everything but he just wanted to get it over with. He spun away from the window and their eyes met. Sammy was stunned to see so much anger rooted there.
His words erupted at her sharp and bitter.
He was angry as hell at Nicole for leaving like she did and putting all that worry on Ruby when she needed Nicole there the most! He honestly believed that if Nicole hadn't left like she did or put any of them through all the stuff she did before she left, that Ruby would still be alive! And he was pissed at Dominic for refusing to come to the hospital and he was also very upset with Linnie for not coming around and choosing her friends over family!
If they wanted to pay their respects to Ruby they could just go to the cemetery and do it, he wasn't about to, (as he put it), "put on a party to celebrate his mother's death!".
With that he tossed what coffee was left in his cup into the kitchen sink, slammed the cup on the counter and hollered for the kids to hurry it up, it was TIME TO GO!!!
Sammy was speechless.
She stood there drinking her coffee in silence as he paced the kitchen floor in front of her. Their eyes met again and he stopped, telling her once again he was sorry but that this is how it had to be. She gulped down her coffee and told him she was ready to go. At that point she just wanted to get the whole thing over with. In her heart she knew Ruby would NOT want this but she couldn't fight Nick on it. She knew his mind was set, and with this, it was set in cement!
She was putting her coat on just as the kids came downstairs. She told them to grab their coats, it was time to go. Nick was already out the door and way ahead of them.
It was all Sammy and the kids could do to keep up with him!
Nick chose the spot for Ruby's headstone and placed it there
The children hung back.
There was so much about what was happening that they didn't understand.
One thing they did understand -
it was an awful event in their lives.
They didn't stay long.
As quickly as Nick wanted to get there, he wanted to make a retreat back home.
The only thing Sammy and the kids could do was follow behind and hope that the rest of the day wouldn't deliver as much dismal sadness as their morning did.
In another post,....